


and to the stars

by clockworkcheetah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottoming from the Top, Crying, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, No Beta, Post-Canon, Riding, Smut, Topping from the Bottom, chapter one is T rated, smut in the second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:02:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: Cas wakes up in Dean's bed.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 183





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was gonna be just a oneshot but i didnt really plan anything (just wrote as i went) and it wasnt rly going in the direction of smut- but i still wanna write some sweet reunion sex lmao so next chapter  
> i havent actually watched the last 3 eps of spn (they arent real they cant hurt me) so this was pulled outta my ass but i think thats reminiscent to actual spn writing tbh

When Castiel is pulled up from a deep, dark sleep, he notices that he's warm. His eyes are closed, still. But the smells are familiar. They remind him of Dean. 

Dean. 

Cas remembers. The confession, Dean's face. Gently wiping away Dean's tears before being swallowed by the emptiness. He isn't in the Empty right now, it's too welcoming. Too gentle. Was he pulled out? Everything's foggy. 

It's a struggle to open his eyes, but he manages to. His vision is blurry, unfocused. The room he's in is bathed in low lamplight. When his eyes adjust, and he feels a little more aware of his body, he realises that he's been stripped down to just his dress shirt and pants. Even his tie is absent. 

Then Cas blinks when the sinking realisation of that, not only is he in one of the Bunker rooms, he's in _Dean's_ room. Dean's bed. 

He pushes himself up, slow and sluggish. He glances to his right, there's a chair pulled haphazardly up to the bed. His coat, suit jacket and tie are draped over the back. Cas tilts his head; he assumes someone was sitting there. 

And to his left, hunched over, head and arms resting on the bed, is Dean Winchester himself. The steady breathing tells Cas that he is sleeping, which is a little relieving. Cas isn't sure how to react if Dean was awake, so he does what he's known to do, which is quietly observe. Between the few days' worth of stubble and the dark rings around his eyes, Dean wasn't looking too great. Cas' heart twists. 

Perhaps Dean has become so attuned to being-watched-by-Castiel, that, after a few minutes, he shifts and raises his head, groggily. Cas almost pretends to go back to sleep, but he decides this isn't something he can put off, best get it over with. Dean blinks and, upon seeing Cas is awake, his eyes widen a fraction, before his features soften with relief. 

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty." He grins, easy and friendly. "Decided to join us?" 

Cas' brain takes to moment to process. Dean isn't angry, or seemingly uncomfortable. "I... what? Where...?" His voice is rougher than usual. 

Dean hands him a glass of water from the bedside table. Cas doesn't need to drink, but he appreciates the gesture. He takes a few sips. 

"Long story short- the kid pulled you out." Dean carefully takes the glass from him. Cas tries to ignore the brush of fingers. "You were asleep when you got out- and we could've woken you up, but I- _we_ decided to let you get your beauty rest." 

"How- how long?" 

Dean looks a little sheepish. "A couple days. You were pretty touch and go- you'd wake up for a minute or two- but you were kinda... unfocused, like glassy-eyed. Jack can fill you in on what you missed." Dean shifts in his seat. "D'you- what d'you remember?" 

Cas squints, trying to remember. Maybe whispers of blurry shapes and muffled voices calling his name. Hands on his face and body. But it's too faint for him to grasp it. He shakes his head. "No, I don't really remember much. Who took my clothes off?" 

Dean's face colours. "I-uhm- yeah. I did. You- you can't sleep in a coat, Cas." 

"And why your bed?" 

"Clo-closest." 

They're quiet for a moment. Cas knows Dean isn't being entirely honest, though his aversion seems to bore more from awkwardness at emotions than something terrible he doesn't want Cas to know about. He isn't sure if he's supposed to be reassured by that fact. He won't let himself be hopeful. Dean has stung him in the past. 

Dean speaks up again, voice a near whisper. "D'you remember... before that?" 

Yes. Of course, he remembers. It's how he chose to die. 

Admittedly, he didn't expect Dean to bring it up. And Cas would've never mentioned it again if it meant Dean would be happy. 

"Of course, I do, Dean." 

Dean opens his mouth to speak again, but Cas beats him. 

"Dean, we can pretend it didn't happen. It's OK, I'll be OK if we went to how it was before." Cas manages to keep his tone neutral. "I don't- don't need my feelings to be reciprocated. I simply enjoy spending time with you, as best friends." 

His voice cracks a little at the end. His eyes dart to the bedspread, pretending to be immersed by the thread. Dean doesn't speak. There's a burn in his throat, tears prickling his eyes. 

_Any minute now._ Cas thinks, bitterly. _He'll tell me to leave._

And that would be fine. It's a well-worn path at this point. Maybe it won't be as bad this time. He'll just be told to leave this room, but not the Bunker. They'll come back together, as they always do, and continue like nothing ever happened. 

Finally, Dean speaks. "Cas, can you... can you look at me?" 

Cas' fingers twitch against the bedsheets. 

"Please?" Dean's tone is gentle. 

Reluctantly, Cas does. Dean looks troubled. He runs his hand through his hair. 

"I'm sorry, Cas." 

"You don't need to apologise for-" 

"No! I do." Dean huffs, clearly trying to think through his thoughts. "I had this all planned out, in my head." He mutters under his breath. He looks back up to Cas, a careful gaze. 

"I'm sorry I made you think that you... that you couldn't have this. Uhm... this being us, I mean. Like I... I don't know... made you think I strung you along, or something. Because that hurt you." 

Dean places his hand over Cas'. It's warm and rough. He takes a breath and Cas can hear the shake in it. There's a bubble of hope in Castiel, but he dares not let it expand just yet. 

"What you want... but didn't think you could have it. I wanted it, too. I still want it. I want _you._ " 

Dean's words wrap around Cas' brain. He doesn't speak. Dean rubs the back of his head. 

"You- you told me once that, uhm... _'good things do happen, Dean'_." Dean says, poor imitation of his voice. He grins when he sees Cas' lips quirk. "That was you. You're the best thing that happened to me." 

Cas opens his mouth, but Dean squeezes his hand to hush him. "Cas, I-" He swallows audibly. "I love you, too." 

It sounds a little awkward. Genuine, but it's a combination of words Dean never uses. It takes a moment for the words to sink in. It's warm in his skin, in his heart. 

"Dean..." 

He's cut off with Dean kissing him. A slight clash of teeth, and it's an awkward angle, but Cas sinks into it. He feels Dean's hands on his face. He grips Dean's arms. 

Cas isn't sure how much time passed, but Dean pulls away, slightly alarmed. 

"Are you- you're crying." Dean's hands hover awkwardly around his face. 

Cas touches his cheek, feeling the wetness. "It's overwhelming." He says. "You are." 

"In a good way, I hope." 

"Very much so." Cas sniffs and wipes his eyes. The tears continue to fall. 

"Hey, hey." Dean says, softly. Cradling Cas' face in his hands, he gently wipes under his eyes with his thumbs. Somehow, the gesture makes Cas cry more. 

He isn't sure how long he cries, but Dean pulls him into an embrace, murmuring variants of 'it's OK', as he strokes down Cas' back. Cas presses his face into Dean's shoulder, grasping the fabric on his back. Dean kisses his temple. 

Eventually, he pulls away, feeling very human and all the self-consciousness that comes with it. He imagines his eyes are red, skin blotchy. Dean silently hands him back the glass of water, to which Cas takes with relief. 

"Better?" 

"Emotionally, yes. Physically? Messy." 

Dean laughs. "Yeah, well. Crying will do that to you. You should sleep, anyway. It's late. Or early. Depends how you look at it." 

"Where will you sleep?" Cas asks, placing the glass back on the table. 

"Uh... here?" 

Cas tilts his head. "Please don't tell me you slept in that chair the entire time." 

"I was watching over you." Dean huffs. "Anyway, I got up to eat and piss. Sam and Jack kept an eye on you, too. _And_ it was only a couple days." He hastens to add, as if to defend himself. 

Cas rolls his eyes. He shifts over and pulls back the bedsheets. "Get into bed, Dean." 

"You sure?" 

"I want you in bed with me." 

"Forward, but I'll take it." Dean stands up, takes off his jeans, before crawling into bed. He's a little hesitant to get close to Cas, so Cas shifts himself into Dean's space, burying himself into Dean's chest. Dean wraps his arms around him and nuzzles into his hair. 

Cas falls asleep to the sound of Dean's heartbeat under his cheek. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah i know top!dean isnt a widely accepted headcanon but meh cas deserves to get some good dick too

With a fading grace, Castiel couldn't tell time as acutely as he used to. When he next wakes, he predicts that maybe two hours have passed. He isn't sure the time is, though. He never asked and Dean had been... quite distracting. 

A wave of emotion hits Cas again. He's in bed _with_ Dean. He gets to hold him and touch him, in ways he wasn't allowed to before, could only dream about. Their legs are tangled up, and Cas wishes he was also stripped off his pants, so he can enjoy more skin contact. He smiles giddily to himself at the prospect of that. Skin on skin contact. It's something he can enjoy now. He wants to rush in, head-first. He wants to take it slow and savour it. Experience it all. 

Cas pulls back from where he was pressed up into Dean's chest, to get a good look at his face. Carefully, as to not disturb him too much, he traces his fingers over the lines on Dean's forehead, his cheeks, eyelids. There's a spread of warmth in Cas' chest. Dean's aged over the past twelve years that Cas has known him, but he's still a beautiful soul, in a beautiful body. 

He's tracing Dean's lips, when Dean cracks open an eye and, with a twitch of his lips, licks Cas' fingertip. He stifles a laugh when Cas pulls away, blushing. 

"This somethin' I oughta get use to?" Dean grins. 

"If you like." Cas says. "What time is it?" 

Dean reaches blindly behind to fumble around for his phone. He squints when it illuminates his face. 

"About 5 a.m." Dean says, placing his phone back onto the bedside table. 

"Jack will be up soon." Cas muses. 

"Soon," Dean agrees. "He's been climbing the walls, waiting for you to wake up." 

"Well then," Cas pulls Dean close, lips hovering. "Best to enjoy you privately before that." 

Dean's eyes darken. He closes the gap, to which Cas responds enthusiastically, letting him in. He sinks back into the pillows, pulling Dean half on top of him, raking his fingers through his hair. Cas whines weakly, when Dean pushes his tongue in, as he runs his hands down Cas' sides. They trail back up to the collar of his shirt. 

"Dean..." Cas murmurs, between breaths. A couple of buttons have been popped open. 

Dean presses kisses along his jaw. "What do you want, Cas?" 

Cas blinks, gaze unfocused. "I... I need..." It's hard to get the words out, his mind is foggy from the sensations. 

Dean smiles softly. He understands. "Yeah, alright." 

He shifts around until he's pushed the bed sheets off and is settled between Cas' legs. He kisses down Cas' neck, long and slow, switching between kissing and sucking. Cas can't do much other than grasp Dean's back and fail to stifle moans. Dean trails down further, to his collarbones- giving them attention- undoing more buttons as he does. 

Cas feels wrecked already, dizzy on both the feeling and the realisation that this is real. His shirt is half opened and pushed down his shoulders. Dean's eyes dart from his chest, then back up to his face. He licks his lips, with a look of mock-thoughtfulness, before he flicks his tongue over one of Cas' nipple. Cas- already high strung- lets out a choked noise, writhing under Dean. He's already getting hard, canting his hips up against Dean's. There's a sense of relief that Dean is also half-hard, he's just as affected. 

"You're more sensitive than I would've thought." Dean says, switching to the other side, teeth and tongue worrying the nipple. His tone is mild, despite the pleased grin on his face. Cas supposes having a literal angel fall apart from one's touch would give anyone an ego boost. 

Cas is about to vocalise his irritation at Dean's comment, but Dean grinds down on him, rutting against his groin. Heat spreads through Cas' veins, as he grabs fistfuls of Dean's shirt. 

"Dean..." It's difficult to articulate anything else when his only thought is _Dean, Dean,_ _Dean_ _._

The subject of his thoughts just grins as he kisses down Cas' belly. He unfastens Cas' pants, but doesn't remove them, just palms him gently through the fabric. Cas presses against it, desperate for friction. 

Dean stares, mesmerised by Cas' frantic movements. Cas huffs, grabbing Dean's wrist to push it against his crotch. "I want you to touch me. Now." 

Dean looks like he had to bite back a snarky 'I already am' response. He just reaches for Cas' waistband and- with a raise of Cas' hips- pulls down his pants and boxers. His cock is hard and just inches from Dean's face. Unfazed, he starts by kissing along Cas' thighs, blatantly ignoring where Cas really wants him. His stubble prickles the soft flesh, as he alternates between biting and sucking, then soothing with kisses. For someone who keeps himself so carefully still, Cas is practically squirming, his knuckles white from the tight grip on the sheets. 

"Dean! You're teasing!" Cas hisses. 

Dean laughs as he hovers back over Cas' dick. There's a bead of pre-cum already. Looking at Cas, Dean sucks the tip briefly, before taking the majority in his mouth. Considering how sexually inexperienced Cas is, he's glad he still maintains enough self-control to not thrust hard into Dean's mouth. Bed sheets are bunched up tightly in his fists, as Dean bobs his head, hollowing his cheeks. The flat of his tongue runs along the underside of his cock, one hand cupping and squeezing him gently, the other splayed on his belly. All Cas can do is writhe and moan at the warm wetness. 

It could be because touch is always electrified between the two, or it's because Cas has been so hungry for any contact, but regardless, he isn't going to last long. As appealing as it is to come in Dean's mouth- the mental image alone almost has him turning it into a reality- that's not how he wants their first time to go. 

_Maybe next time._ Cas thinks. 

It's their first time, he wants it to last. He wants it to go a little differently. 

He reaches for Dean. Lightly pushes his head. "Dean... stop, please..." He sounds wrecked. 

Dean pulls off with a wet pop. He looks worried. "What? Is this-" 

Cas smiles muzzily. "No... it's- it's good. You have a very talented mouth." Dean ducks his head, blushing. "I just want... it's our first time..." 

"Oh, shit." Dean says, dazed. Apparently, that had only just occurred to him. "Yeah, what do you want? Anything, you- you can have it." 

Cas tilts his head. "I want your clothes off, firstly." 

Dean laughs. "That's- yeah. Fair enough." 

He moves off the bed, to pull off his clothes. Cas pushes himself up to a sitting position, so he can take off his own shirt that was currently bunched around his elbows. They're both completely naked now, and everything feels so real, this is happening. 

Cas pulls Dean back onto him, kissing him roughly. Briefly startled, Dean melts into him, kissing back, eagerly. He moves his legs so he can settle back between Castiel's. They moan into each other's mouths when their cocks slide together. Cas' hands are everywhere, desperate to touch as much as possible. He needs more. 

Dean, seeming to sense the desperation, props up onto his elbows. The weight of him is still centered where their hips meet, so Cas can feel him acutely. He grips Dean's biceps and looks up at him, wide-eyed and flush in the face. Dean's eyes flicker over his face, before kissing his cheek. Cas whines, frustrated. 

"Easy, tiger. How do you- how do you want this? Cause I wanna- I'm down to do anything." 

Cas ruts against Dean. "I want you in me." He murmurs. 

Dean blinks. "Really? Wow, erm- OK." 

"Do you not want...?" 

"No, it's fine- just surprised. Didn't think you'd want it like that." 

"I wish to explore everything with you." 

Dean, to Cas' dismay, shifts off of his body to rummage through the bedside drawer, pulling out some lube. 

"So, erm... how do you...?" Dean asks, sheepishly. Lying there, naked and a little bashful, has Cas' heart singing. 

"I trust you." 

Dean pours some lube on his fingers and gently nudges Cas' legs open. He sinks a finger in, all the way down to the knuckle. Cas rocks against it, slowly, adjusting. 

"Good?" Dean asks, after a few thrusts. 

"Very." Cas sighs. "Add another." 

So, he does. It doesn't take long for a third finger to be added too. Cas pushes against Dean's fingers in a desperate pace. 

"Dean, please." Cas says, impatient. 

"Alright, alright." Dean replies, slicking up his own dick. 

He lines himself up, leaning over Cas' body, but Cas halts him. 

"Not like this." 

"Then h- _oh!_ " Dean splutters when Cas wraps his legs around Dean's waist and flips them over. Dean's head bounces on the pillows, as he looks up at Cas, pupils blown wide. 

Cas kneels over him, smugly. There's a deep thrill that comes with rendering Dean speechless. Without breaking eye-contact, Cas sinks down, until Dean is nestled all the way in him. His eyes flutter shut. 

They stay still for a moment, getting use to the feeling. Cas feels Dean's hands on his hips, gently stroking his thumbs along his hipbones. 

"Hey," Dean says, tone quiet. "You OK?" 

"Mmm." Cas opens his eyes. Dean's expression is soft. All Cas can do is return it with a smile, as he begins to rock gently. 

The pace starts steady. Cas thinks it's less because Dean's worried over Cas' limited experiences, and more that Dean is gentle under his hot-bloodied front he puts on- reserving it to family. Or for the bedroom, for a lover. The softness was so few and far between sometimes, that Cas will cherish this moment. 

The previous desperation quickly spreads through Cas like a fever, as he quickens the pace, legs straining from the movement. Dean matches the pace, gripping Cas' hips like a lifeline. 

"Holy- _ahh_ \- fuck, Cas!" Dean moans. 

"Literally." 

Cas rolls his hips frantically, a little proud that he's still coherent. Not that it's going to last. He splays his hands over Dean's chest, feeling the rapid heartbeat under the skin. There's a sheen of sweat on Dean's forehead, his pupils blown so wide that there's just a sliver of green. Apparently, due to his mouth being otherwise unoccupied, starts to babble. 

" _Fuck,_ Cas! You- _ahh_ \- you feel fuckin' incredible." His hands stroke up his sides, back down to his thighs. "Always... wanted this- wanted you..." 

"Didn't- _mmm_ \- think you wanted... me..." Cas' chest heaves, breath unsteady. 

"I do, I do," Dean's voice is slurred. "I want you." 

Cas is so close as he weakly grips himself, making sluggish strokes. His head falls backs, as his thighs tremble. Dean's eyes are on him, no doubt. 

"Cas... you look," Dean says. He sounds starstruck- Cas can see his expression in his mind, it spurs him on- he wants Dean to see him. "You look like somethin' amazing." 

Dean gently takes Cas' hand, helping him. Castiel is going to fall, but it's fine, because Dean's with him this time. 

"C'mon, c'mon." Dean says, soft, but desperate. He sounds as on edge as Cas does. 

With one last moan, tears gathering in his eyes, Cas spills into their hands, and onto Dean's chest. He continues to rock his hips even after, for Dean to chase his pleasure. He watches Dean tense under him, arching his back, as he comes shortly after, filling Cas. He flops back onto the bed, well-spent. Cas slumps forward slightly, panting and flushed. 

He isn't sure how long they stay like this, but he shudders slightly when a warm hand touches his cheek. 

"Hey, you with me? Coming back down to Earth yet?" Is Dean's teasing tone. 

Cas blinks, starting to become aware of the mess of his hand, and Dean's softened cock still inside him. He's still loose-limbed, so Dean eases him down. They bask in each other's afterglow, just light strokes along their sides. 

"I'm guessing... it was good?" Dean asks, eventually, thumb stroking Cas’ hip. Under the smug words, Cas can hear the nervousness. 

"It was wonderful, Dean." Cas says, sincere. 

Dean's smile is please, but shy. Cas decides he likes it a lot, maybe it's one of his favourite smiles. He's a little disappointed when it fades to a grimace. 

"We should shower." Dean says, propping up onto one elbow. 

"Really? Now?" 

"Yes, really now! I don't wanna scar the kid." 

Fair point. 

"Just... five more minutes, at least?" Cas looks up at him, hopeful. 

Dean pauses. Then he rolls his eyes and kisses Cas' forehead. 

"Just five." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> tumblr is clockworkcheetah

**Author's Note:**

> i am in belief that cas wouldve wiped away deans tears (because i am a sap)  
> next chapter will be done p soon i am in a smut mood
> 
> tumblr is clockworkcheetah


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